'Charged for dinner?': Friend insists on "$7 per person" for last-minute dinner invite

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
May 1, 2024 11:00 AM EDT

Have you ever, in your whole life, had a friend charge you money to eat at their house? I really haven't, with the exception being takeout food. If you order takeout with your friend group, someone's going to have to send out those Venmo requests for that pad thai. But that's different than inviting your friends over for an off-the-cuff dinner, and then insisting they need to pay for it the next day. 

It's not always cheap to host a party: all those ingredients, beverages, and decorations can really add up. A good way to offset the cost is to ask your friends to bring a dish or some drinks. Another suggestion is to note in the invitation that for a small charge, your friends can have unlimited drinks, and if not, they can bring their own beverages to sip on. 

This person, u/Pinkishrabbit, had a friend invite them over and then request money for it the next day. They took to the r/etiquette subreddit to ask for advice, and the internet basically told them that their friend was being pretty weird and tacky. If you're broke, just say that; if you're a millennial, the chances are all your friends are broke, too. You can all be broke together, ordering the cheapest Chinese food around and splitting the cost as a group, instead of acting rather miserly the day after your homemade meal. 

Next up, these siblings were trying not to argue in front of the kids, but they cannot agree on who owes who money. 

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  • 01
    Steven 'I can't help but wonder if myself and her two other friends just paid [for] $21 of groceries'
    via Stella de Smit on Unsplash
  • 02
    (r) r/etiquette Posted by u/Pinkishrabbit Charged for dinner at a friend's house? My friend texted me last night asking if I wanted to come over for dinner, she was cooking (didn't say what it was). She invited two other friends over, my friend made us food, we had a great night.
    via u/Pinkishrabbit
  • 03
    I got a text from one of her friends this morning saying to not forget to send money to my friend. I texted my friend and apologized as I was unaware she wanted payment for last night. She said she had charged her two other friends we saw last night for the ingredients it took to cook, which was $7 per person. I was a little confused by this, but I sent her the $7 anyway and just chalked it up to a "now you know if she invites you over, be prepared to pay her" deal.
    via u/Pinkishrabbit
  • 04
    Am I wrong to be a little surprised by this? She just moved out to my town (I went to school with her a few years ago and hadn't seen her in years.) I had sent her money before when she offered to buy me food from a restaurant near her house, but I didn't think she'd seriously charge me for a dinner party she hosted and cooked for. I grew up in a "it's my house, it's my treat" culture where you pay that person back through bringing a side dish or drinks, or maybe it's /you/ who hosts next time (
    via u/Pinkishrabbit
  • 05
    starshineblueyes I literally yelled "WAAATTT?!?!" It's $7 but, what did she make and I probably would have texted her if she was ok on cash? That's definitely not normal unless you ordered in. 36 Reply Share Pinkishrabbit OP She bought some chicken skewers from the super market next door and then made us a little side dish. She's keeping the rest of the food for her lunch the rest of the week, so I can't help but wonder if myself and her two other friends just paid $21 of groceries for the next
    via u/starshineblueyes
  • 06
    flipester What country or region do you live in? In the United States, it would be very unusual. 48 Reply Share Pinkishrabbit OP I live in Arizona, the United States.
    via u/flipester
  • 07
    JewelryBells I think the onus is on the host to make it clear BEFORE that payment is expected.
    via u/JewelryBells
  • 08
    CookieAdventure You were gracious to send her the $7 but you're right, I wouldn't accept an invitation from her again.
    via u/CookieAdventure
  • 09
    AdmiralSassypants Yeah, this isn't normal. It would be if you'd all ordered in or something and she footed the entire bill as to not complicate that process, but hosting a dinner party that you are cooking for with your groceries... It is assumed that there will not be a charge for that (unless of course it's been agreed upon prior and you maybe split the grocery cost). It's tacky to invite people over for a meal and then charge them for it.
    via u/AdmiralSassypants
  • 10
    Pinkishrabbit OP Yeah, she bought a few packs of pre-packaged chicken skewers for us to eat for dinner, she put them in the oven while we talked and caught up on what we were doing lately. She was intending to keeping the rest of the leftovers for her own lunches this week, so... I guess we all paid for her meal prepping the rest of the week? Lol
    via u/Pinkishrabbit
  • 11
    [deleted] That's so gauche. She should be embarrassed. 88 Reply Share ... EldeederSFW i'm embarrassed for her.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 12
    angelicpeachy In my circle of fellow students, we often split the cost of ingredients, but this is -always- made clear first thing before any other organising happens. I understand that for people with more disposable income you would typically return the favour by inviting them over next or taking them to dinner. Springing this on someone after the dinner party is really quite
    via u/angelicpeachy
  • 13
    AnnVealsMayonegg. Yikes. No this is not normal at all.
    via u/AnnVealsMayonegg
  • 14
    NaturalRattle Your friend charging you and not making it explicitly clear beforehand, for a relatively cheap meal she took the majority of leftovers for, is pretty tacky, and not good etiquette at all. Unless explicitly stated, it's generally expected the host covers all costs, and you can offer extras as a guest out of politeness, but by are no means obligated to bring anything other than your own company. I would definitely not go to a friend's gathering if she did this to me again - the money
    via u/NaturalRattle
  • 15
    ctrl-all-alts Seconding this― it depends on demographics and country. In Hong Kong, amongst my 20- 30 friends, it was common to do agree on an approx budget, and then either buy or bring the stuff there (potluck). Never really had a reason why, but I'm guessing that meant that people too busy to cook or had to rush over after overtime would just chip in. The parties were also fairly big― 20- 30, so it didn't make the host pay for all that. If you're hosting family, or if you're a "senior" (famil
    via u/ctrl-all-alts
  • 16
    After moving to the states, it took me some time to get used to the idea that if you're hosting, you're footing the entire bill and thank goodness for Reddit or I'd have been seen as a complete dik. Edit: saw the groceries bit. That's not ok.
    via u/ctrl-all-alts
  • 17
    seaboat90. Man, yes, this is very embarrassing but I can't help but feel sorry for her and wonder if this is some sort of money insecurity thing. It's $7, you were gracious to pay and I would hope you can empathize with her.
    via u/seaboat90
  • 18
    Pitta_ the only time i ever charged my friends for food was one thanksgiving i spent a few hundred dollars on literally all the food, wine, and liquor for a huge meal for like 8 people. i also prepped and cooked the meal myself for like 2 days in advance. i made it well known when i invited people that i would greatly appreciate 10 or 15$ to offset the cost, but that it was not mandatory. most of them paid. it hardly covered a fraction of the cost of the meal but i feel i was not unjustified in
    via u/Pitta_
  • 19
    inclinedtothelie Hey. While to most, this is an obvious faux pas, it clearly isn't for this person. While I haven't had a friend that charged me, I have had many where our money situations were drastically different. I adopted a rule: if I ask, I treat. If they ask, I prepare to split. Setting the rule, and enforcing it with my guests (dinners out are interesting. When I go to pay, some want to argue, but I state my rule and offer to let them get a meal some other time), has really helped set it
    via u/inclinedtothelie
  • 20
    HeatherR361 Really tacky and cheap. If you host friends to your home for a dinner you aren't supposed to charge them.
    via u/HeatherR361
  • 21
    sproutsandnapkins At first it seems unreal that she would ask for payment! I too grew up in a "it's my house, it's my treat" community and we always brought food, drink or like you said, hosted next time. Many times! That's what friends are for! I'd personally be a bit muffled at the request, but if you otherwise enjoy hanging out with these people, I'd just chalk it up as weird and next time give her a card with $10 and have a good time! Cheers!
    via u/sproutsandnapkins

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